Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
