Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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