Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
