Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
