you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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