New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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