i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
