i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
