I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
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we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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