why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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