you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
