i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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