You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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