You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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