doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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