Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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