Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
