Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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