we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
