is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
