I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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