So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
