I faked an abortion last night.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
