the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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