Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
