yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
whose parrot is this?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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