She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
