fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
