NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
