i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
