How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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