Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
