2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My vagina is officially offended.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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