He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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