we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Even my vagina gasped.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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