The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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