You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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