I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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