Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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