youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
