don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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