I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
