God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize