Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
