I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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