DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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