A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
