that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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