the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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