My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
