Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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