yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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