Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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