I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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