im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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