i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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