I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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