First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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