Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
