Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
