Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
