Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
