Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
