had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
