Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
