It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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