Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
